From the FREEP

Dear Families,

S pring is a wonderful time of year at SRV,and not just because the sun is finally shining and the weather is getting warmer. Children are deeply invested in putting on plays, creating their own lessons and mini-courses, and learning the first steps of the May Fair Dances. Of course, students were engaged in similar projects in the fall, but now teachers are able to step back even further and allow the children to take full ownership of their accomplishments.

However, it is also a time when the hours spent inside poring over class assignments with an increasingly familiar group of peers can produce some frazzled nerves and heated moments of disagreement. It is true, there are some instances when even SRV students bristle when encouraged to use their own communication skills to solve a problem, skills that have been learned and used successfully since the fall. The pressure for teachers and parents to take over these situations and arbitrate is strong.

With all kinds of learning, the path can be bumpy and uncomfortable. In negotiating the most valuable skills, the curve is especially steep and arduous. We know how painful these lessons can be, and we often want to hand our children the outcomes while sparing them the difficult learning process.

This is always a challenging balance to handle as parents and teachers. Our natural nurturing tendency provides our children with the feelings of safety and security that gives them the confidence to explore their world. Without this basic sense of trust and attachment,children do not develop a sense of self-worth.However, a child's self-esteem is also dependent on their perception of how much their beloved adults trust them to handle their own obstacles.

So we are suggesting that this is a perfect time of year to make fostering a stronger sense of independence a goal. What will happen if you do not remind Samantha to bring her recorder to school for a couple of weeks? Will Billy learn to brush his own hair if you conveniently run out of time in the morning? If we do not offer an answer to our child's posed question, perhaps they will come up with a response that is far more original or provocative than our own would have been.

At this point, I would like to share an excerpt from Adele Faber's and Elaine Mazlish's chapter on Autonomy (their book Liberated Parents, Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family, is available in SRV's library):

It's natural to want to hold on,protect,control,advise,direct.It's natural to want to be needed, important,vital to our children.It's the other way that's not natural.Separating our children's hopes from ours,separating their disappointments from ours.Permitting them their struggle.Making ourselves indispensable.Letting go.That a parent can do it all is a miracle.

We include this section to acknowledge that it is a difficult stance to hold as a parent. I struggle with these thoughts each day as I wince at the new bruises on my son's forehead (he's learning to walk). However, it is also a loving stance that allows our children to develop their own power, agency and identity,and gives them the life force to forge their own paths.

(Please take a look at another old favorite, The Blessing of the Skinned Knee, by Wendy Mogel, also available in the library).

In partnership,

Susie Metrick, School Psychologist
Diana Albertson, Psychology Intern

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20 School Lane : Rose Valley, PA 19063 : 610.566.1088 : office@theschoolinrosevalley.org